i am here
06.15.07 (7:55 am) [edit]what powers do i have? what am i doing with them? lately i feel this urgency, to know and to use and to serve. realign.
monks tame tigers
06.11.07 (3:05 am) [edit]They don't tame tigers exactly, but they recognize the tiger as reincarnated buddhas and 'hang out' with them.. link: http://axiomsun.com/home/vide...
I love to love
05.16.07 (7:17 pm) [edit]I haven't been writing here for a while - but i did it. I finished my first semester of Korean language studies successfully, and am excited to move on to the next level. I'm going to Tokyo for 5 days and will catch up with some old friends. After that, an old friend is coming here! I think it will be a revolutionary, reflective month.
developing
03.11.07 (11:25 pm) [edit]i'm in my second week of korean language classes at the university. A seed is budding. How can i be a patient gardener of knowledge when i want to be a knight on a white horse, and a princess in her castle at the same time? Perhaps i can be a princess who buys her own white horse, wears the pretty dress, and is free to ride in the wind at any time she wishes.. sigh. Patience, patience, patience. Coupled with my innate restlessness. I feel like i'm driving a chariot, the forces in my own mind. Always wanting to stay and leave every place. The language study process, as it is going now, is going well. Slowly. Temperance is called for. I don't want to give up the study techniques I had before; i want to keep this big wheel going and pick it up a notch or five. I think I have to do a lot of yoga while all of this is going on, to make sure I am making the right choices and managing myself well. Then, there is LOVE. Confusing; i feel like i just close my eyes a lot. WE walked on a mountain path together this weekend. The trees and wind, birds, sky, were lovely and calming, invigorating. He took my hand and i walked backwards down the path. I almost trust... am i a fool for love? It may well be so. It seems i can't help it though. And there are distractions. It is not a boring life, anyway ~
03.01.07 (11:16 pm) [edit]
it's friday. latent energy is whirling. my private canceled -i'm tired of thinking about work and jobs. Blah blha! i'm gonna go to Pilates instead. My favourite instructor is on at 6, and he just developed a new routine. It kicks! He is supersonic militant screaming yaya pilates man ~ i love it. then i'm gonna meet my hairdresser friend who shall introduce me to some new peeps. then i think i'm gonna sneak into someone's apartment and wait for them to get home from a film shooting. sneaky spy-like. sssss
it's friday. latent energy is whirling. my private canceled -i'm tired of thinking about work and jobs. Blah blha! i'm gonna go to Pilates instead. My favourite instructor is on at 6, and he just developed a new routine. It kicks! He is supersonic militant screaming yaya pilates man ~ i love it. then i'm gonna meet my hairdresser friend who shall introduce me to some new peeps. then i think i'm gonna sneak into someone's apartment and wait for them to get home from a film shooting. sneaky spy-like. sssss
02.28.07 (12:06 am) [edit]
Forging a new path. My current apt is like a cave. I feel calm and safe there, but not necessarily erudite. I'm forging a new way to live in Korea, as a student, and precariously arranging a schedule of teaching students English privately. It is strategic, like stacking lego. I have to consider the stability, longevity of the structure. Each person I take might be filling the spot of another potential person ~ or that's how I used to see it. Now I try to choose from the heart, take in a few students and teach them well. Let the tree grow. Next week, I'll be studying at the university 20 hours a week. How fun to water the trees in my mind. The Korean language trees, that is. I hope they grow like bamboo shoots. It is the basis of my goal ~ After i stabilize that, i hope new connections, new ways, new expression and creativity will follow. I'm taking my time. I'm spending more time alone these days ~ cooking, reading, doing yoga, just being. Of course, my social schedule is still not suffering any - but there's a different feeling when you live somewhere but you're not plugged in to a full-time obligation like everyone else. I think that it's a good way for creativity to emerge - at least for long enough to get some perspective. Now i'm craving action and activity.. Writing, making networks. Thinking about opportunity. Doing yoga, doing yoga, doing yoga. Firmly placing daily practice in my path. Loving, loving. Being loved. These are the things I want now. Om ~
Forging a new path. My current apt is like a cave. I feel calm and safe there, but not necessarily erudite. I'm forging a new way to live in Korea, as a student, and precariously arranging a schedule of teaching students English privately. It is strategic, like stacking lego. I have to consider the stability, longevity of the structure. Each person I take might be filling the spot of another potential person ~ or that's how I used to see it. Now I try to choose from the heart, take in a few students and teach them well. Let the tree grow. Next week, I'll be studying at the university 20 hours a week. How fun to water the trees in my mind. The Korean language trees, that is. I hope they grow like bamboo shoots. It is the basis of my goal ~ After i stabilize that, i hope new connections, new ways, new expression and creativity will follow. I'm taking my time. I'm spending more time alone these days ~ cooking, reading, doing yoga, just being. Of course, my social schedule is still not suffering any - but there's a different feeling when you live somewhere but you're not plugged in to a full-time obligation like everyone else. I think that it's a good way for creativity to emerge - at least for long enough to get some perspective. Now i'm craving action and activity.. Writing, making networks. Thinking about opportunity. Doing yoga, doing yoga, doing yoga. Firmly placing daily practice in my path. Loving, loving. Being loved. These are the things I want now. Om ~
back in a new dimension
02.07.07 (12:18 am) [edit]ah'm back from kangwando (short intensive english teaching stint in the mountains) and the philippines (diving trip) - now i venture to study korean language at university. I don't know if i've fully arrived yet - there are some bits and morsels on my teaching schedule, but i haven't filled up all my time plate yet and hope to have a new, creative kind of way here.. i have a photopgraphy class tonight - i am off to it. a bien tot ~
I'm in love with a Monster
12.19.06 (8:30 pm) [edit]I'm in love with a Monster.. i can't help it i can't stop myself. Rest my body on his chest, and he pushes me off, again and again.. i reach out to him to hold his hand, and Monster takes it - and lets go.. over and over, it happens again. I unfurl my love and spread it over him, light the fires as they blow out, Monster roars and its gone.. and i light the fire again, with a feeling, with my heart.. nails, claws, teeth - gnash me and tear me open. Breaks me with his silence. i heal myself. i come back for more. a moment of respite: warm furry embrace, so tight, so true - i can't forget. buried in the beast,. the heart i love ~~ how can i keep on? how can i stop, there is no stopping. unless i die. but i will be reborn, as flower, still and unstrained. he holds me, in his hands..
thirty three
12.18.06 (6:33 pm) [edit]Smashing Pumpkins - Thirty-Three Lyrics Speak to me in a language I can hear Humour me before I have to go Deep in thought I forgive everyone As the cluttered streets greet me once again I know I can't be late, supper's waiting on the table Tomorrow's just an excuse away So I pull my collar up and face the cold, on my own The earth laughs beneath my heavy feet At the blasphemy in my old jangly walk Steeple guide me to my heart and home The sun is out and up and down again I know I'll make it, love can last forever Graceful swans of never topple to the earth And you can make it last, forever you You can make it last, forever you And for a moment I lose myself Wrapped up in the pleasures of the world I've journeyed here and there and back again But in the same old haunts I still find my friends Mysteries not ready to reveal Sympathies I'm ready to return I'll make the effort, love can last forever Graceful swans of never topple to the earth Tomorrow's just an excuse And you can make it last, forever you You can make it last, forever you ************************8 http://blog.naver.com/altmeta...
babbles
12.15.06 (4:23 am) [edit]I'm waiting for an ex-roommate, sitting in a cafe. This cafe used to have magic, this polished but comfortable air - now it smells like roachspray, and despite the fact that they still serve Ille luxury italian coffee, they don't know how to make it and it tastes about as good as the instant crap that comes out of rat-infested machines in the subway. It's not bitter, just an observation.. I live in the small small world of seoul, and it seems i'm always bumping into people i know. Joe who manages istanbul kabob house - and very well i might add, has just popped in to see his family. I'm gonna move again - i'm packing tonight. It's gonna be my third apartment in about three months. Before that I was settled in the same place for a year and a half - some kind of record for me. I'm not really nomadic but it seems the fire inside forces change less periodically than most. Iz good. I was reading the newspaper -- thinking about studying Korean. I"m obsessed with the idea of studying Korean language. I want to break though into the land of comfortable intermediate moving along to real conversations, that fluidly move through ideas and into minds and hearts and living rooms, classrooms, what have yous. I'm tired. Last night was my darling's bday, and we had a nice time just the two of us. We trudged around the yonsei-sinchon area searching for some kind of perfect nostalgic korean restaurant - - we didn't find exactly the right one, apparently, but settled on a kimchi jiggae place and downed a bottle of sansachun, a traditional korean alcohol that smells like flowers, before hitting the Su Luxury norae bang (singing room). I need to expand my noraebang repetoire beyond George Michael Madonna and the Cranberries but still enjoyable enough. Onwards foraging through open cafe-bakeries to find the perfect cake, we settled on a couple of scrumpious Coffee Bean piece selections: camebert cookie crumble and 1000 leaf chocolate cake. I ate most of it (it's chocolate!) but i gave him the best bday bites. Then we sat in a cafe and he helped me order his bday present: an ipod nano in hot red - only available online. If you order online you can also have a personal message inscribed in lazer on the back: which i did - something in French, and romantic - . We ended the night in XXXXXXX well that part's secret, but - I was well dressed then undressed for it,he he. Wow this cafe computer has become possessed with some serious creeping mouse virus. I took a momentary lapse from typing to check my text messages and answer my phone - friend called back with magical ikea korea websites - ah so lovely to imagine the buying possibilities.. and now that i know how to use my check card to access korean internet websites, ooooo ahh yes this could be dangerous but delicious. Anyhoo i'm expecting. A friend that is, to come to istanbul (next door spot) best be going there. Another busy night awaits! I look forward to being moved. Ca va. a bien tot ~~~~
My students wear Christian Dior..
12.05.06 (9:09 pm) [edit]I work at an elementary school in a rich part of Seoul. I'm not always familiar with what is a designer backpack or children's wear status symbol, but one student just waltzed down the hall wearing head-to-toe Christian Dior ~ hat, shirt, pants, knee-length conductor's jacket, and dior cowboy boots - all in autumn brown colours to match the season. He looked so cute! But he looked so sad.. He wouldn't tell me his story, but he seemed to need comforting. We can never truly know another's story, 마자요?
i am not an accident
11.28.06 (8:08 pm) [edit]Day 2. Point to Ponder: I am not an accident.***Verse to remember: "I am your Creator. You were in my care even before you were born." Isaiah 44:2 (CEV)*** Question to consider: I know that God uniquely created me. What areas of my personality, background, and physical appearance an I struggling to accept?
day one: it's not about me
11.27.06 (4:29 pm) [edit]From time to time I receive gifts from students, or student's parents. I recently received a copy of "The Purpose Driven Life." I don't label myself as Christian ~ in fact if anything i was brought up in an anti-christian home, my mother being a renounced catholic-turned agnostic and my father being a nature-loving atheist. Thus far I am a yogi and meditation and yoga are my path, but I am also a sufi, and I can find God in any religion or none.. This book is a 40 day experience to improve your relationship with God. At first I didn't feel like doing it, but it has been given to me like this so I feel i must try it. It's exciting, why not? Day One: Point to Ponder: It's not about me. Question to Consider: In spite of all the advertising around me, how can I remind myself that life is about living for God, not myself?
treasure chest
11.22.06 (11:38 pm) [edit]I love my leonard cohen.. finally found a blog with a cache of his songs, ready to listen to: http://blog.naver.com/7_habit...
a better day..
11.20.06 (3:27 pm) [edit]Ok, today is a better day.. Body is sore from intensive yoga on the weekend and, believe it or not, *I* played touch rugby with a bunch of nutty UK boys (old friends) which was great, but i couldn't resist drinking soju after.. i forgot how soju affects me. 나쁜소주!! no no no!^ㅇ^~~~~~ ㅋㅋ
one of those days..
11.19.06 (8:56 pm) [edit]It's one of those days, that I'm acutely aware of, or perceive, being CONTAINED. CONTAINED within this school, CONTAINED within the hours of 9-5, CONTAINED within this persona, within this skin.. Just locked right in. CONTAINED within the relationships that are going badly and i don't know how to transform, CONTAINED within my mindset that won't let me see what I need to see, won't let me let go and trust what and who i need to trust, CONTAINED within my addictions to coffee, :-) CONTAINED like ziplock, airtight, gack! Let me out, let me out, damn pot, i do say.. What is preventing me from seeing, believing, knowing all that i can see, believe, and know? Destroy and uncreate that please, times a godzillion times a godzillion times a godzillion.. Set me free ~ Baba, God, Buddha, Zeus, Allah, and me - I want a fireside chat with you all. I want to see the smoke rise to the heavens and feel something here.. Set me free, set myself free.
Afro Celt Sound System
11.15.06 (8:55 pm) [edit]Afro Celt Sound System: ***** Release, Lovers of Light, Eireannne, Urban Aire, Big Cat, Even in My Dreams, Amber, Hypnotica, Riding the Waves, I Think Of.. http://blog.naver.com/ashzoml...
space cowgirl says..
11.14.06 (4:40 pm) [edit]My spanish dictionary word of the day says: RODEO - TURN, WINDING Ese camino da un rodeo muy grande. This road makes a wide turn.
Purely Passion
11.13.06 (11:07 pm) [edit]My being splits open, but i don't die PASSION Peter Gabriel - Passion: http://blog.naver.com/23h01?R...
passion
11.13.06 (11:03 pm) [edit]PASSION Peter Gabriel: The Feeling Begins: http://blog.naver.com/23h01?R...
on grasping
11.13.06 (10:52 pm) [edit]grasping the air **how can we fly**when we grasp**the flight comes from the heart** radiates out** wings puff on faith** feathers are the lightest thing, don't you know?** sometimes in life and in love, i am flying, and i'm wishing i could fly, wishing i could fly.. how can i see that which is right in front of me? ** then i wake, and i am the stone** plummeting** down** one small being attracted to a bigger being, slave to gravity** am i a victim ? or lucky to smash and become something? after impact, it was nothing. a dream upon a dream, feathers overlaying each moment.. there was never a stone.. there was never a thought.. my mind has stopped them, it has expanded and the thoughts float through the particles and become so small, so insignificant.. just this expansive space.. the particles when noticed only annoy with their blunder of materializing into existence. the air pushes through my heart.. currents cascading and rippling, love and despair at love's flickering away, it's on fire. my heart is on fire, by some cool flame.. always trying to tame the fire, this illusion.. i lay on the grass, but i am in the air.
Una Fertiva L'agrima ~ ("L'Elisir D'amore) - Enrico Caruso
11.13.06 (9:58 pm) [edit]Una Fertiva L'agrima ~ ("L'Elisir D'amore) - Enrico Caruso*** http://blog.naver.com/max5452...
tarot cards
11.09.06 (7:04 pm) [edit]Addicted to tarot? Check it online at www.facade.com/tarot I don't recommend leaning too heavily on these arts, but if can use them as a tool for personal insight, and just let them be a bit of fun and magic in your life, go ahead. In university I actually took a whole course on the Tarot. Here is one theory about how they began: Many moons ago, the holders of secret divine wisdom and magic found themselves in a situation of struggle and peril; facing opposition in the world from those fearful of their powers... and alas ~ There was a time of great destruction. Exactly, the library in Alexandria, Egypt, that held all wonders of knowledge, was burned to the ground. How to go on? The gurus and sages of the time gathered to discuss this. I imagine a circle of silence, and dance, and creation. Serious talking and laughing and celebrating, crying and coalescing. At the end of this time, they decided to put the knowledge upon something that is dynamic, transportable, recreatable, transformable - in the form of cards that are now known as the Tarot. The Tarot are comprised of the Minor and Major Arcana. The Minor Arcana have Four Suits: Pentacles/Coins (Earth), Cups (Water), Wands (Fire), and Swords (Air). (Respectively, - diamonds, hearts, clubs, and spades)and the Major Arcana are reflected by what would be face cards in a playing card deck. However it goes much far beyond the Monarchy: Kings, Queens, Knights, Pages ~ It includes sacred archetypes, older than time. They are: *** 0-The Fool. 1-The Magician. 2-The High Priestess. 3-The Empress. 4-The Empororer. 5-The Hierophant. 6-The Lovers. 7- The Chariot. 8- Strength. 9-The Hermit. 10-The Wheel of Fortune. 11- Justice. The 12- The Hanged Man. 13- Death. 14- Temperance 15-The Devil. 16- The Tower. 17-The Star 18-The Moon. 19-The Sun. 20-Judgement. 21-The World. *** Maybe they reflect a story of creation. They may be elements of our life we can reflect on, or the kind of person we are in a moment. Various people around the world have met them in dreams, and found them to be the same. Swiss psychologist Carl Jung has written a lot about this. You might meet them in your dreams.. In the meantime, they can tell you a story about your life, where you are at, what elements are running through at this time. Is it chance or fate? Do they tell the future? Do you create your own destiny? I think you know the answer to that.. It's time for me to go for lunch. Just thought I'd share a tidbit. Anneoung ~